Everything is problematic: My apologies to rational Texans

[Columns, letters or cartoons published are the work of the attributed author and do not necessarily represent the official views or opinions of “The Highland Echo.”]

If you’ve been awake in the last few days, you’ve probably heard that groups in over 30 states have been collecting signatures to petition for secession. I don’t know where you stand on this issue, but you’re not writing a column right now, so listen up. I am a born and raised southerner, and I love the South dearly, but I’ve put up with one too many unironic “the South shall rise again” comments to take this whole mess seriously.

These people want to secede because Barack Obama was reelected. Considering the election happened about a week prior to these petitions gaining momentum, I think it’s a fair statement to make, especially considering that it’s a statement that many of them are making, from angry conservatives on Twitter to people who actually identify as things like Texas Nationalists.

Texas Nationalist Movement president Daniel Miller told POLITICO that this reaction was “not about a person but policy,” but continued on to say, “This cake has been baking for a long time — it’s the Obama administration that put the candles on the cake and lit it for us.” Essentially, the incitement for these people to try to have their state removed from the country is their guy losing and them getting mad about it. Say what you will about a commentary on state’s rights, but the only statement that really shines through in these actions is that some adults still like to throw hissy fits when they don’t get their way.

If they were doing this around my mother, she’d be grounding them right now and giving them some serious mom glares. I’m sure many of these people are the type with a tendency to grandstand about the United States being God’s country and protest flag burnings and have serious opinions about kids having to say the Pledge of Allegiance. It comes with the territory; people who do things like try to secede from a country just feel things a lot stronger than the rest of us. But you can’t just spout rhetoric about how much you care about and love the United States and then try to turn your back on it because you didn’t get your way. Okay, you obviously can, but you can’t expect everyone to pat you on the shoulder and call you a hero.

This is the most half-hearted patriotism I’ve ever heard of, and it’s coming from groups that I imagine contain quite a few current or former “Tea Party Patriots.” Surely, if these people are advocating for removing their states from the country, all of their “God bless America” language has just been for show.

Maybe they would be more comfortable having their God bless the great nation of Texas, may it grow and prosper under its leader, the reanimated corpse of Ronald Reagan. Maybe they should secede. I can’t say I wouldn’t fight to keep Tennessee around, but the totally legitimate internet petition from Texas does state that they have an economy that could sustain their secession and possibly their existence as an independent nation. If they can get past the lack of actual legal methods of secession, because there are no actual legal methods of secession, then I say they should go for it.

Let’s be real here: would it actually be that bad to lose Texas?

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