No, no, Glen Coco: What not to do as a freshman on a college campus

I have had the pleasure of being involved in some very interesting conversations
since I arrived here, but as I have come to accept, one of the most common
conversational topics at college is sex.

It’s great that on Maryville’s campus so many people are extremely accepting
and expressive of such a difficult and personal subject! I’ve heard rumors of guys in
Gamble inviting each other in to watch porn with each other, and I know the topic
has littered many a lunch table, trying to find something to distract from the third
fish-related entrée of the week.

However, a recent block placed on porn sites caused some students to feel as
though the college was censoring their sexcapades. It turns out that the temporary
block was an accident; IT had to reset the system and it ended up defaulting to a
filter intended for a K-12 school. The glitch happened at about three in the morning
and was fixed by 8am, but this wasn’t soon enough for MC students, who expressed
concern that they would be forced to find other means of satiating their porn needs.

Maryville College students are obviously willing to go out of their way to assure
that they always have the ability to express their sexuality freely, and for that, I
applaud you.

That being said, the advice I have to give in this issue is more pointed at females.
Do not let your male friends read your “Cosmopolitan.”

It’s too much of a temptation. With the recent acts taken to minimize the amount
of porn in the residence halls, guys don’t have a lot of kinky places to run to when
the weird suggestions strike up the urge. It’s just mean to allow them to read the
sexy suggestions when there’s not much they can do about their effect.

Not giving them the option solves the majority of that issue. Of course, there is
always the possibility they dream up the circumstances on their own, which is to be
expected at a college where we naturally lean toward creativity, but if you don’t let
them read your “Cosmo,” it’s not your fault.

Additionally, it obligates you to partake in the weirdness. If you lend him the
magazine, he obviously knows you will have read it too, and once he knows you
have heeded the suggestions, he may expect you to deliver.

I’m not saying it’s a definite deal, but the next thing you know, he could be asking
his girlfriend (or you) to pour hot sauce on his neck and snort it off because he read
about it in your magazine. We all know some of the stuff in there can get weird,
and it’s just best to keep the decision about whether to reveal those suggestions to
ourselves.

Overall, it’s generally a bad idea to let guys read your “Cosmopolitan.” Debates
about what in the magazine is sexy and what is not can go on for days, months even.
But, ultimately, we all know the editors include the juiciest stories and cater those
toward women to spice things up.

Unless you are entirely willing to partake in the 13th situation in the article titled
“27 Ways to Get Crazy” or something of the like, it’s best not to tempt the men in
your life with the possibility of it happening.

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