The big ‘O’: Learning to enjoy sex

[Columns, letters or cartoons published are the work of the attributed author and do not necessarily represent the official views or opinions of “The Highland Echo.”]

Hey all! This column is brand new to the Highland Echo, so let me explain what its all about. This column will be covering all sex-related topics, including (but not limited to) consent, kinks and fantasies.

We live in a society that unfairly stigmatizes many things. One of the biggest instances of an unfair stigma (and probably the most ridiculous) is sex. We’re not supposed to talk about sex. And if you talk about enjoying sex—especially at this age, and especially as a woman—then something is wrong with you. You’re easy, you’re not valuing yourself and you’re making all the wrong choices.

That’s insane.

Sex is as natural and crucial to human life as breathing. And we’re not supposed to talk about it? Or enjoy it?

Sex is not a shameful thing. It is not shameful to have sex, to enjoy sex or to talk about sex. In fact, it’s your right to seek pleasure. So, seek it!

Find out what you like, what you don’t like, what you think you might want to try and what you think makes you uncomfortable. And then, if you’re in a sexual relationship with another person—whether it’s a one-night stand or a committed relationship or somewhere in between—let them know these things!

You want each time you have sex to be safe, healthy and enjoyable, and in order for that to happen, you also want to be comfortable enough with yourself and with your partner/s to communicate about sex.

If you want to have a healthy sex life, you have to communicate with your partner/s. “Healthy” in this case means sex that is enjoyable and safe (both physically safe and emotionally safe).

To be physically safe, you have to talk about things like contraception and being tested. Protecting yourself from the physical risks that can come with sex is very important, so make sure that you ask yourself and your partner/s these questions before engaging in any sexual acts.

To be emotionally safe, you must make sure your partner knows your sexual boundaries. It’s perfectly okay to experiment, but if your partner wants to try something that you’re not comfortable with, make sure they know how you feel about it.

You should never feel pressured or forced into any sexual act, so being comfortable enough to discuss your preferences or fantasies is crucial to healthy sex. And if you’re ever in a situation where you find yourself being pressured to do something you’re uncomfortable with, you should try to remove yourself from that situation as soon as possible.

Finally, enjoy yourself.

Seriously. If you’re having sex, why not enjoy it? There is nothing wrong with knowing what you like and then doing what you like. As long as you’re having consensual sex that is not harming you or your partner—or anyone else, for that matter—then there is nothing wrong with any likes, dislikes, kinks, interests, fantasies or anything else in between.

Just remember to be safe, communicate and figure out what works for you.

Now, go enjoy yourself! You deserve it.

One thought on “The big ‘O’: Learning to enjoy sex

  • April 3, 2013 at 4:00 pm
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    I’m so proud of you, Sissy.

    Reply

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