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You know what sucks? Binge Drinking

In his column this week, Josh Anderson derides the plagues of binge drinkings and its effects on health and productivity. Photo by Ariana Hansen.

In his column this week, Josh Anderson derides the plagues of binge drinkings and its effects on health and productivity. Photo by Ariana Hansen.

I’m guessing I have already lost most of my already abysmal fan base after they read the title above. They probably either strongly disagree with this claim or  read the title and said, “duh!” Regardless, if you are still with me, I will hit all the “worsts”  of binge drinking.

Do not get me wrong. You may be thinking, “What a loser…” but contrary to what you may believe, I have had my moments partaking in this extracurricular activity. Why it was just this past weekend that I entered a beer pong tournament in which all entering fees collected were donated to the charity organization “Friends of Literacy.”

In fact, I have to say that I have managed to have some fun nights despite going a bit overboard. However, it is pretty undeniable that there are some negative aspects of engaging in binge drinking.

Maybe you are a freshman and drinking is new or foreign to you. If this sounds like you, then I have to say you lived some sheltered teenage years… and good for you. However, if I am being realistic, I am guessing most of you plan to do some experimentation with alcohol in the coming years.

Before you decide to start experimenting though, keep in mind that even even Isaac Newton had to start somewhere. I would not advise diving right in unless you intend on being a shade of green the following day.

Nothing is worse that sitting through Anatomy class while knowing that your anatomy is all screwed up because of the alcohol you drank the night before. As if class could not get any worse, imagine your head pounding and your stomach turning while you are listening to a lecture. Good luck taking notes under those conditions.

One of the worst results of binge drinking is puking. Need I really say more? If you feel the need to drink to the point of throwing up in order to have fun, then I am guessing that you just are not a fun person and should just give up. If you still feel socially inept after 5 drinks then I suggest you try a different strategy to overcome your social awkwardness.

If I were given a beer for every time I heard about someone drunk dialing their ex as a direct result of binge drinking, I could probably fund someone’s alcohol habits for the rest of the academic year.

In this day and age, communication is a little too convenient. This makes for some utterly embarrassing moments. A couple decades ago, it would have been much more difficult to drunk dial your ex and make a complete fool of yourself. Now, Verizon, AT&T, and Sprint make it so easy. TMobile users do not have this problem. You have to have a somewhat functioning network to drunk dial someone “successfully.”

I went on a work related trip recently where I met someone with a story that topped any party story that I had ever heard. This guy started drinking one night in Traverse City, Michigan and woke up the next morning in Detroit –roughly four hours away!

The guy had no idea how he reached Detroit and no idea whose apartment he was staying in. Usually the walk of shame is not too far from home, but regardless, waking up in an unfamiliar place is never too pleasant.

And there you have it. If I haven’t sold you on why binge drinking is for the birds then I doubt nothing will get to you. If you are insistent upon continuing this bad habit, make sure you take some necessary steps to benefit yourself: Make sure you have a friend to hold your hair why you are puking, stock some headache medication, and make sure you have plenty of money for an Uber when you wake up in that unfamiliar place the next morning.

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