Ask Garrett for March 5, 2014
Dear Garrett,
A lot of people I know are getting married. I feel like every day I see girls I went to high school with posting engagement pictures or photographs of their rings on Facebook. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for several years, and seeing these things makes me a bit jealous of these girls. Why hasn’t my boyfriend proposed yet? Is this a strange feeling to have? Should I feel out of place just because my boyfriend has yet to propose to me, and what do you think about people getting married during college or right out of college?
Sincerely,
Seeking a Ring
Dear Seeking a Ring,
I believe that slight feeling of jealousy is normal, but you should not worry about the fact that your boyfriend has yet to propose. Honestly, I have always believed that you need to wait till after graduation to even consider marriage. After all, you should make sure that you are able to live with your significant other out in the real world. Whatever anyone may say, dating in college is simply not the same as actually dating while leading an adult life after graduation. I believe many people do not realize this factor, and I truly feel as though couples should take their time to ensure that graduation does nothing to change their relationship.
Of course, I know several people who have gotten married in college and right after, and many of them are seemingly doing incredibly well. I can’t necessarily say that getting married in college means impending doom because for some it seems to work. I believe the key is that you must ensure that you are ready to make such an important commitment. You should definitely not want your boyfriend to propose just because everyone around you suddenly seems to be wearing a ring. If that is the only reason you want him to propose, then I think you have found your problem.
In the end, you should want your boyfriend to propose because you love him with all your heart and absolutely nothing less, so do not jump in to a lifelong commitment without being completely sure that it is all you could ever wish for.
Sincerely,
Garrett
Dear Garrett,
I have a close friend who is currently talking to one of my exes in a more than friendly way. I am still friends with this ex, to an extent, so I think this has made my friend think it’s OK for her to talk to him. She came to me, explained the situation and said that she didn’t expect this flirtatious relationship to arise. I told her I was OK with it, but I honestly do not think I am. What should I do about this? Should I really have to tell a friend that my exes are off limits?
Sincerely,
Perturbed Friend
Dear Perturbed Friend,
While I do feel as though the general rule is that exes are completely off limits to close friends, I do believe the one at fault in this situation is partially you. Yes, your friend did not exactly make the best choice when she started flirting with your ex, but at least she came to you and explained the situation. She could have simply hid it from you until you found out from someone else. How would you have felt then? That would have probably hurt more than her actually taking the time to tell the truth.
Your mistake was telling her that it was OK even when you thought it wasn’t. She was honest with you, so why didn’t you give her the same courtesy? You should have told her how you felt about the situation, and you should not have faked complacency.
The best advice I can give you is to go to your friend and explain how you truly feel about this. That does not necessarily mean that your friend will stop talking to your ex, but at least she will know how you feel. If you do not do this, then you risk losing a friendship because you are too busy keeping your feelings tucked away inside where they will fester like an infected wound. That is the quickest way to end a friendship, and friendships should be based around honesty and trust. Your friend showed honesty to you, so you should show the same to her.
Sincerely,
Garrett