One honest review for Lana Del Ray’s “Blue Banisters”

“Blue Banisters” is Lana Del Rey’s eighth studio album. While critics have praised this album for showcasing Del Rey’s songwriting abilities, I think we need to stop coping and realize this album is bad. 

It does not nearly showcase Del Rey’s songwriting abilities as flawlessly as her previous albums “Honeymoon” or “Ultraviolence.” It showcases songwriting ability, but the lyrics, “You named your baby Lilac Heaven / after your iPhone 11,” confuse and irritate me because Lana is better than this. This just feels like her lazy days. I’m tired of pretending it’s not bad and letting Lana get away with this. If you are wondering, yes, I hated “Chemtrails over the Country Club,” too, but I loved every single album before these two. These two last albums were just hard turns in the wrong direction. 

I have personal issues with this album. In order to review it fully, let’s break it up song by song. 

“Text Book” 

This is not a stand out song for Lana’s reputation. The lyrics are pretty basic, but the problem I have with it is the unnecessary flow changes. This song has about 20 different changes in pace. There’s no consistent flow to follow. When listening to this song, you’re in for a rollercoaster of sounds and not in a good way. 

The lyrics are basic but begging to be deeper and to seem like a real moment, but they do not follow up whatsoever. The song ends by repeating the sentence, “Old man river keeps rolling,” and that might be the only good lyric this song has.

“Blue Banisters” 

This is typical Lana now—Lana dreaming she was born in Oklahoma and living her full country housewife 50’s fantasy. This is the only song I actually like. Well, “like” is a strong word. I’ll say this is one of the only songs I will tolerate. It is a beautiful song for Lana, and the slower pace has always suited her voice. This also might be the only song where I can get an actual grasp about what the song might be about. A picture can be painted in my head, and I’m okay with it. 

“Arcadia” 

Not sure if this is titled after the great city of Arcadia in Greek mythology or Arcadia, California, but regardless, this song would be amazing if she made minor adjustments to placement and spaced out certain bits. After singing about cutting straight to the heart of things, she just says “America,” and I think that needs to be scrapped immediately. It’s not good for the song. It just doesn’t feel right. 

“Interlude (The Trio)”

I don’t have any words for this other than it should have been at the beginning of a different album entirely. This trap beat out of nowhere does not make any sense whatsoever, but it would have been killer heading another album by another artist. 

“Black Bathing Suit”

This one might also have some of the most basic lyrics I have ever read in my life. Right at the beginning, “Grenadine Quarantine, I like you a lot.” 

Please, Lana. 

This song could be replaced by any other song she has written, and it wouldn’t have changed the album whatsoever. 

“If You Lie Down with Me”

I wanted to like this. I even walked away from this album entirely to come back and listen to this one in the hopes that it would be good. 

And it was not. 

See, Lana has a way of tricking you with the first bit being good and decent to listen to. But the more you listen, you realize it was terrible. It had potential to have a consistent flow and theme, but unfortunately it never came. 

“Beautiful”

I’ll let this one slide, but it is so boring. That’s all I’m gonna say. It’s a skip. 

“Violets for Roses”

By this point in the album, I reached full drainage. This album drained me, and I no longer know what to say other than bad, bad and worse. 

“Dealer”

You are coping hard if you think this song is genuinely good. Lana screaming does not show any sort of extreme desperation and emotion. It just feels cringe, and I really need society to admit that so we can move forward. 

“Thunder” 

Yet again, another song with basic lyrics. The kicker about this one is that I cannot remember a single thing about it even though I listened to it seconds ago.

“Wildflower Wildfire”

Tongue-twister title and overall bad song. There’s random whispering of, “Cause I know you wanna talk about it.” I don’t. I don’t wanna talk about it. 

“Nectar of the Gods”

Lana cannot keep getting away with making references to Heroin: “Heroin Gold in my veins.” Immediately, no—pack it up. 

“Living Legend” 

Honestly this album has done so much to my head by just purely disappointing me as a Lana fan, so by this point in the album, I’m a little over it. 

“Cherry Blossom” 

Few may know this, but this song was an Instagram snippet she posted four or five years ago, and when she did post it, I remember thinking it would be on “Lust for Life.” It wasn’t, so I entirely forgot about this song until it came up here in a pleasant surprise. Almost a saving grace even, because this song is beautiful and the third good song on the album out of the three.  

“Sweet Carolina” 

“You named your baby Lilac Heaven after your iPhone 11 / Crypto Forever, screams your stupid boyfriend / Fuck you, Kevin.” 

That is all I have to say. I was gonna say this song is good until that came up. 

Since this album has sucked me dry of anything I had left in me, I’ll just leave it with a rating: it’s a two out of ten.

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