The 12 stages introverts go through at campus social events
by Tobi Scott
As a disclaimer, I have nothing against campus events or their affiliates. I think they’re great. I just prefer the more quiet ones that don’t involve dancing or group games.
This past Friday night, Feb. 27, I ventured into Isaacs for the much anticipated Glow Party. As a highly introverted person, my experience was a bit different than the vast majority of people attending the event. Actually, I have about the same experience every time I go to one of these social events on campus. The following twelve stages walk you through what introverts experience when they decide to attend social events on campus:
The “I’m going to be social and fun and talk to people and go to this event!” stage
At this point, you’re very optimistic about branching out and attending a big social event on campus. Usually you have an excuse to not participate in these types of things, but you’re determined to get out there and meet new people.
The “Excuse me, can I please get through?” stage
You’ve just arrived, but are blocked from entering by a gigantic group of friends occupying the entire entryway. You think, “Wow, these people really suck,” as they make no effort to let you pass. It isn’t a big deal though and you quietly and uncomfortably squeeze past them into the event. (Yay?)
The “Oh, the whole room is occupied by one gigantic group of people I can’t get past” stage
As you enter, you realize that people are everywhere, not just in the doorway. It’s an instant battle trying to find one square foot of solitude between all of the dancing people who are shouting at each other over loud music. You and your friends finally squeeze through and find a spot to settle down and place your belongings before venturing into the crowd again.
The “What do I do with my hands?” stage
You’re suddenly much more conscious of where you need to put your hands because everyone in sight has them up in the air, and there is no way you’re about to put your arms above your head. There is pressure coming from every direction to stop standing like a normal person and start flailing around to bad rap music with everyone else, but everything inside of you is screaming “ABORT MISSION, GO HOME NOW!”
The “It is all going to be okay” stage
You realize that you’re probably just overreacting, and once again are optimistic and determined to have a good time. You stand calm and collected, casually swaying your hips from time to time in attempt to fit in.
The “How are these people enjoying this?” stage
For a moment, you look around the room and see massive groups of people sweating and flailing their arms. You think about how miserable this entire situation is and are completely mystified that anyone could be in this situation and actually be enjoying it.
The “What is wrong with me?” stage
Then you take a second look around the room and realize that these massive groups of sweaty people are having the times of their lives on that dance floor with the people they love. At this point you just want to know how you ended up being the one person out of so many who is incapable of enjoying the company of more than four people at once.
The “Time to go” stage
Sure it’s only been 20 minutes and your friends are all enjoying themselves, but you just need a brown paper bag to breathe into. (Does that even do anything?)
The “Wait it out” stage
At this point, you’re ready to go, but have realized that there is no way out. You know that your friends won’t make you walk home alone, but you also know that they are having an awesome time. You’re determined to stick it out until someone else is ready to leave.
The “Final Straw” stage
You’re hot and sweaty and feeling more and more drawn to stand against a wall (alone, in the next building). You can no longer count the number of people who have accidentally touched you on one hand. At this point your friends are also getting somewhat exhausted, so you plan your next move.
The “Escape at last!” stage
You apologize to your friends and explain that you’re just too beat, but it’s been great! They agree that it’s getting late and (finally) you head towards the exit.
The “Morning after” stage
You spend an entire Saturday alone reading and writing and don’t regret a single second of it. Alone time is quality time after all!