Dear Garrett (April 17, 2013)
I went on a date with this great guy over spring break. He is an EMT, great with parents and kids, funny and a real gentleman to me and everyone around him. On our date, we had great conversation and connected on almost every level. I found myself thinking “I could marry this guy.” However, there is one problem. I’m not exactly psychically attracted to him. He is fit but in a huskier way and he is handsome but I can’t seem to feel much psychical attraction. Now I know that he likes me A LOT, and I like him too. But I’m not sure if this relationship is worth going after. Is there any reason to keep after this guy and just hope the lusty feelings come later? Or would it be best to drop it now and try the hard road back to just friends? I don’t know if I will be missing something great just because I wasn’t willing to wait it out.
To Date or Not to Date
Dear To Date Or Not To Date,
Perhaps you should start by reading the beginning of your question. Perhaps it is just me, but I am failing to see the problem you could possibly have this guy. It would seem that you love his personality and who he is, but you just seem to be struggling with his looks. Well, guess what, looks aren’t everything. If you find a possible significant other who seems like an all-around amazing individual, then looks should not necessarily matter. I apologize for my bluntness, but that is shallow.
If you feel right about this guy, then go for a relationship. Of course, don’t rush into a relationship, but do work on pursuing it. That gives you time to decide if he is right for you, and, who knows, perhaps those more lusty feelings could start to make themselves known. After all, would you rather have some absolutely gorgeous guy who is generally a terrible person, or would you rather have a guy who may not be the most attractive, but he is incredibly sweet, loving and makes up for his looks with a brilliant personality?
Answer that question, and make your choice based upon your answer. Also, I am not saying that you absolutely have to be in a relationship with this guy, but I believe that you should give it a chance. Go on some more dates, get to know him even better and see what you think after that. After all, you do not want to regret not giving something a chance that could have made you exceedingly happy.
I have been having some trouble lately relating to money. Now, I know this isn’t a new problem to college kids, but I was hoping to get some advice on the topic of getting a job or not. I have been working ever since freshmen year of high school, so I have been making my own money for a long time. When I started college, I had a good amount left over from summer, so I wasn’t too worried about getting an on-campus job, and my parents never wanted me to. They always say, “Going to school is your full time job now.” This school year, I have kept a high GPA, and my parents are very proud. They say, “See this is why you don’t have a job. All your time should be spent on school.” However, as the months went on and my money drained away, I was faced with the embarrassing task of asking my parents for money. They gave me some and I made it last as long as I could, but eventually had to ask again. I don’t like asking them for money at all! It makes me feel like I am a loser, but when I look into jobs and think about the time I will have to spend on them along with the clubs I’m in, I get scared. What if my grades drop or I lose focus on the main point, which is school? I want to be independent from my parents and not ask them for money, but I also don’t know if getting a job is the right thing to do. Should I put school at risk to save my parents’ money and my pride?
Broke and Confused
Dear Broke and Confused,
This is definitely a problem that all college students struggle with. We want to be independent from our parents, but it is actually rather difficult to balance a job, classes, and extracurricular activities. Basically, it all depends on the type of person you are. This may seem like an odd statement, but let me explain.
If you are an organized person who knows how to budget their time and remain on schedule, then you will have no problem balancing all of the activities you mentioned. I am currently taking 18 credit hours, work part-time at Starbucks, have an internship at Pyxl and I am a member of multiple clubs and organizations on campus (the most time consuming being Student Programming Board). My planner and iPhone calendar are my best friends. They keep me organized and on schedule. Of course, I was not always this way. My freshman year was definitely a struggle. I had to learn to be organized and how to budget my time. It is possible to learn, I promise. However, it will definitely take some work.
If you do not think you can do this, then I would not suggest looking for a job. After all, school will always be the most important part of college, and your classes and degree are what will help you get a job after graduation. So, if you do not think you can handle a job, focus on your classes. You can always pay your parents back after you graduate and get a job, and you will just have to deal with the fact that you may have to ask them for money from time to time.